


Afraid of my Love for You

by suckerfordeansfreckles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas loves reading, Cas reads all kinds of books, Cas recommends Dean books, Comfort, Comforting Castiel, Dean Reads, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Hazel & Gus mentioned, Human Castiel, Human!Castiel - Freeform, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Romantic Fluff, The fault in our stars, bonding over literature, cas comforts dean, dean crys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckerfordeansfreckles/pseuds/suckerfordeansfreckles
Summary: Castiel is human and really loves reading. He starts recommending his favorite books to Dean, who in turn sneaks them out of Cas' room to secretly read them himself.One night, Cas finds Dean crying in his room, clutching to one of his books, and they have a conversation about the risks of falling in love.WARNING: If you don't want any spoilers about "The fault in Our Stars", you really shouldn't read this.





	Afraid of my Love for You

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea and decided to write it. I'm really tired but I was so inspired and in the mood to write, I couldn't help myself.  
> I hope there aren't too many mistakes in this.  
> Hope you enjoy reading it! :)

If you’d ask Cas what he most enjoys about being human, he wouldn’t hesitate to answer that it’s literature. When he started reading his first book, a dusty old romance novel he had found in the deepest depths of the bunker, he immediately decided that reading is the best way to spend his free time. Unlike Dean and Sam first assumed, he doesn’t only read historical novels. He enjoys everything, from fiction to romance, he really isn’t picky. He just needs the book to be different from his everyday life, needs to be able to sink into a new world and forget about everything going on around him.

 

When Sam first showed him how to order things off of Amazon, the weekly habit of Dean and him driving to the nearest post office to pick up his newest order of books started.  
Dean doesn’t mind spending a little extra time with his best friend, especially not since Cas’ smile rivals the fucking sun every time he opens the most recent package of books and starts looking through his purchases as if the novels were the most precious things in his life.

 

Around the third time they drive towards the post office, Cas breaks their small talk and starts talking about his current favorite book and how he thinks Dean would enjoy reading it quite a lot. He doesn’t come off too strong and he doesn’t try to push the hunter to actually start reading “The Hungergames”. He just sounds really fucking enthusiastic and happy about the simple thought of Dean reading it and he ends his short book presentation with a genuine smile and the words: “It would be amazing to actually have someone to talk about my books with. But, don’t feel pressured. I know you have a lot of more important things to do.”

 

And, of course, this was Dean’s downfall. There are very little things he wouldn’t do for Castiel- and making him happy by reading a handful of books? Sure, he could do that. He’s just a little ashamed to actually admit that thought out loud.

 

Cas definitely notices that there’s a different book missing on the growing pile next to his door every evening, and it’s almost always the one he mentioned to Dean the last time they talked about his interest in literature. He doesn’t mention it though, knowing that Dean's probably uncomfortable about the fact that he actually reads the books his friend had recommended him.

 

He keeps quiet about it even after walking in on Dean sprawled out on the couch, his bed or on a chair in the kitchen and with one of his books in his hands several times. He knows that Dean isn’t ready to talk about it, but he really can’t figure out why. His mood is progressively getting worse with every day the hunter avoids talking to him about the novels. Maybe he hates them? Maybe he hates Cas’ taste in books. But would he continue borrowing them if that was the case?? It all just didn’t make sense to him. Maybe Dean’s just ashamed about the fact that he tries to make Cas happy?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tonight is one of the nights where Cas, once again, had deemed reading more important than sleeping. It’s 2 a.m. when he’s on his way to the bathroom to get ready for bed and hears noises coming out of Dean’s room. As he reaches the door, he registers another loud sound. It’s a heart-wrenching sob, followed by what sounds like Dean unsuccessfully trying to calm his breath.

 

The door to the room is cracked open a bit and Dean sounds so heartbroken that Cas can’t help pushing it open a little wider and sticking his head inside to see if the hunter is alright. 

 

Even though the noises he had heard were unmistakable, he wasn’t really expecting to find Dean sitting upright on his bed, body wrapped in a blanket, face red from crying and tears streaming down his freckled face. His eyes were screwed shut, chest heaving and right hand clutching to a book, left hand holding a soaked tissue. 

 

Oh! He recognizes the book. “The fault in our stars”. Well, that explains a lot. Still, Cas is surprised to see Dean showing his emotions this openly. Of course, he probably hasn’t been expecting anyone to see him in this state, but Cas has witnessed him crying before and never had he been this emotional.

 

He hesitates a little before entering the room and approaching Dean carefully. “Dean?” He whispers gently, as not to startle him. “Are you okay?”

 

The hunter opens his eyes, his expression quickly shifting from shock to frustration. “What do you think, Cas?! How could I be fucking okay after finishing this book? I’m not okay. This stupid book is not okay. The fucking word “okay” isn’t even okay right now. How could John Green be this cruel and just…” He trails off, sobbing again.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cas asks, carefully watching Dean, who sniffs and quickly raises his arm to wipe away the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand. When the former angel sits down on the bed next to him, Dean leans into his side, resting his head on his shoulder without a word.

 

“I just don’t- I don’t get why that had to happen. The ending was awful. All your other books have happy endings, why did Gus have to die??” He still sounds sad. “Man, it was brutal.”

 

“Well, I personally liked this book a lot because it showed me that you can make so much out of your life, even if your time on earth is finite. It has, in a weird way, helped me to cope with the fact that I, myself, suddenly have a finite amount of time left. It showed me that being human can be horrible, awful, even cruel.” Cas sighs, a sad smile on his face. “But it also showed me how much of an impact love can make on your life. That you shouldn’t shut yourself out like Hazel tried in the beginning, but you should risk things, do what you like and not be afraid of love.” 

 

“Well… I guess you’re right. The last part of Augustus’ life was full of love, it probably couldn’t have been better. ‘m glad Hazel took the risk of falling in love with him.” Dean’s voice is much calmer now, the sadness that had been apparent before almost gone.

 

“She is kind of a role model, isn’t she?” He murmurs, turning his head towards Dean.

 

“Yeah, she is. You know, ... sometimes I feel physically sick thinking about how much time I have already wasted.” Dean raises his head now, too. Their faces are so close, Cas can see the tears still making Dean’s eyelashes stick to each other.

 

“Wasted on what?” 

 

“Wasted on being afraid of my love for you.” Dean simply whispers, green eyes never leaving blue ones.

 

Cas breath hitches when Dean leans in even further, looking at him questioningly as if he's waiting for permission.

 

They don't need any more words now, Castiel just closes the leftover space between them and gently brings their lips into contact. They kiss until they are out of breath, parting with beautiful smiles on their lips. 

 

“I would like to fill your life with love, too- for as long as you let me.”

 

“I’d love that, Cas. And we'll make our ending a lot happier than theirs.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://suckerfordeansfreckles.tumblr.com)  
> I don't bite :D
> 
> Thank you for every kudos and comment!


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